My rant on ignorance.

If you are raised to believe that same sex marriage is wrong, that is your belief, understand that is not everyone' belief. Someone else's marriage does not affect your life. A married gay couple in California doesn't change the way you are living your own life. You did not directly allow same sex marriage, therefore it is not hurting your heavenly opportunity. People taking marriage so lightly is more of Sin then being happily married to someone you truly love for the rest of your lives, whether that person be of the same sex or not. Whether the government allows them to be married or not, they are still going to be together. The difference in being married and being in a committed relationship with someone for the rest of your life, is a piece of paper signed by someone insignificant to your future in heaven. It's okay to marry and divorce someone in 55 hours but to not allow someone the opportunity to marry at all is okay? You are willing to deny someone the opportunity to be married to their partner for the rest of their lives but you grant someone the right to such a short and meaningless marriage? As for "defiling the institute of marriage", divorce rates of STRAIGHT couples are already compromising the institute of marriage. Marriage is not the only opportunity denied to homosexuals. The right to join the armed forces is also restricted. Are you to tell me that if the United States was being attacked and millions of innocent lives were lost and the only people willing to defend and fight us were homosexuals, you would deny them and let you and your family die because of your ignorance and prejudices?

If sex is the issue then anyone is allowed to inquire about your sexual preferences right? Sex is private and personal. You don't want people to have sex before marriaged yet you don't allow everyone to be married, therefore they are going to have sex anyone because, let's face it, what couple in a life long relationship is not going to fornicate? Your ignorance, hate, and judgment is directly causing sin to occur.

Homosexuals are receiving the same kind of discrimination that African Americans were experiencing 40 years ago! Haven't we established that that that is unmoral and unconstitutional? Are we going to revert back to our ignorant ways just to try to stop something that is none of our business in the first place?

Whether you are a christian family with six children or an nontraditional christian or atheist homosexual couple, you do not want your sexual preferences put on display, so why is the issue at hand arguing what orifice is correct?

Marriage, sex, war...What you believe to be wrong is out of your control. If these people are to "burn in hell for all eternity" then why is it your job to try to stop them, you aren't doing it out of concern for them, you are doing it for your own self purposes. If God is to judge them, let GOD judge them! Live your own life without sin...if you can.

Video time!

The Man, The Mystery - Danger, Stranger http://www.vimeo.com/10766529
Directed and filmed by the amazing Trygve Anderson. Starring Sherman Tyler Haynes, Raymond C, Shaide Bean, Walter, and Trenton Sperry.

This is my baby's first video and I know there will be so many more to come as their band takes flight and takes the music industry by storm. No auto tune, no studio created beats, just raw, authentic, thought out music. I'm so proud of him. He is doing what he loves and is going to go so far. He is my inspiration.

"Keep on rockin' me, baby!"

One of those pathetic days

I want to starve myself.
I want to cut away all the fat with a knife.
I know no one else sees what I see.
I want to throw up my insecurities.
I want to rid myself of their toxicities.
I want to walk through a room and not feel anything but sexy.
I feel the need to slut myself up to be desired with this weight.
Does this mean I truly am fat?
I feel the need to be a slut in order to get attention, just like fat girls do.
I hide the lower half of my face in t shirts and hoodies so no one can see my double chin.
I want to hide the upper half of my face so now ones sees how the fat of my cheeks closes my eyes when I smile.
I just want to hide my entire being.
I want to be swallowed in blackness.

...I want to be skinny.
...I want to be your idea of perfection.
...I want to not be this pathetic, emo, son of a bitch writing about hating myself when there are much more productive things to be doing.

Man I really fucking suck sometimes.

Essay!

Okay! I have to write an eleven page essay over anything I want. That's such a broad subject range, and I am having a lot of trouble. I need something that will have plenty of research available and something that is just interesting in general. If you have any ideas let me know!!! That would be greatly appreciated!

Slut.

Slut?
Such a strong word for such a less than innocent person.
But since we're on the subject, what is the definition of slut?


1. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
2. A woman prostitute.

Now, how would you define promiscuous?

1. Characterized by having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.

Right, now how many is too many?
1. After researching it seems that most people who starting having sex around the age of 16 until the point at which they are married have had anywhere from 4-50 sexual partners.
2. Well what If you've been in 15 committed relationships in your dating lifetime and have had sex with all of them, are you a slut?

Now that I've thrown out some definitions and a little bit of research, I'm going to delve into my sexual history, that of which you find so "slutty".

I lost my virginity at 16, like most teenage girls. Yes, like most I was persuaded by an un-deserving older guy. That relationship lasted 7 months, substantial enough to have sex without being "easy". After the termination of that relationship I kissed maybe a total of 3 other boys, one of which is my current boyfriend. I've been in a relationship with this man for 2 year, definitely enough time to have sex without being a "hussy". And let's face it, I'll probably spend the rest of my life with the wonderful man, and be his DEVOTED wife until the day I die.

Okay, so let's recap: Two, count 'em, two sexual partners in four years. No other sexual favors have been given to any other men besides these two. Yes, I did cheat on the first boyfriend, by kissing another guy, but in my defense he was having sex with several girls behind my back. Retaliation does not equal prostitution(see definition of slut).

Now, if you are saving yourself for marriage, more power to you, I applaud you. But do not judge me for not having the same beliefs, diversity is key to avoiding the mundane.

That is my rant. I am not a slut, nor will I ever be one. Do not let me find out you've said something about my sexual life again. Keep it to yourself.

Love me or leave me.

My father.

The best man I know, hands down.

This past year has been the hardest and quite frankly the worst year of my life. Of his life. The man I had never seen cry, not once, in 18 years, I held crying for a week straight. And several times after that. Through the deceit and heart break, we have grown closer together. I guess some relationships must be broken to make others stronger. I wish, hope, and pray with all of my heart that my family will pull through this and ALL of us become closer, not just he and I. But it's hard when you wake up every day fearing that you are going to get another text message or phone call saying it's over...again.

I don't know how I would have survived this year without the love and support given by a few incredible people.

Shelby Wyche...oops Norton (still weird to me!) Your beautiful and sacred words helped more than I knew. Though they didn't hit hard at first, I know they sunk in without me realizing it. You never allowed me to hate, and in those times reminded me to love.

Sherman Tyler Haynes what in the world would I have done without you? You sat there with me and watched my heart break and still stayed by me. You are my rock. My constant. Through all of the uncertainty and unsteadiness, you kept me whole. Thank you, baby. You truly are my sunshine.

Just to name a couple. This challenge is not over, but I know all the special people in my life will be by me to help me through it.

Why?

Why can't we just all love ourselves? Why can we not look in the mirror and except who we are and how our bodies are shaped. Why can we not get passed the less than perfect pieces and focus on the unique and beautiful areas? A nose wrinkle, a freckle on the palm of your hand, the way the folds of skin on the inside of you elbow sparkle when you're a little sweaty. In the process of hating ourselves we make everyone around just as uncomfortable as we feel. What are we accomplishing? What are we expecting? What am I expecting?